I’m sitting here in my apartment in Harlem…I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been a rough couple of days. Bear with me as I’m a little less than linear for a moment. Hopefully, I’ll be able to bring this all around to a place that makes sense.
The idea behind this blog was to chart my journey as I began life here in New York, but the “idea behind the idea” was to challenge myself to stop hiding…to say things out loud that I normally wouldn’t…to put myself out there and write honestly even if that meant not coming off as particularly attractive or smart.
I had a “dealing with life” conversation with my husband last night–one of those where you have to be brutally honest and unblinkingly look your mistakes and shortcomings in the face. Not fun. It was completely necessary, and became the catalyst to finally making a real sustained effort to banish some bad habits that have been firmly rooted in my life. The Big 3: procrastinating, reacting to fear and uncertainty by hiding, and feeling shame about past mistakes that have kept me from moving forward in life.
There are 2 great quotes that I’ve been ruminating on:
“Regrets are a waste of time…they’re just the past crippling you in the present.”
“I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start it all over again.”
You may recognize them…they’re from the films Under The Tuscan Sun and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, respectively. Both of those really resonate with me, and as this year comes to a close, I am grabbing them with both fists and bringing them into 2012 with me.
I’ve spent 4 ½ months in New York so far. I’ve found work with a promotional company doing all kinds of things…from protesting Time Warner Cable’s threat to drop the Madison Square Gardens Network, to being a photographer in the same venue and getting to see Lady Gaga, LMFAO, The Script and Kelly Clarkson perform. I’ve been an extra on The Good Wife and HBO’s new series 40. I’ve auditioned and been called back for Book of Mormon and Ghost, and most recently went in for Matron Mama Morton in Chicago.
I didn’t get Ghost, and am on file for Mormon and Chicago. Things have slowed down at the moment, but God continues to provide and to have our back…as I write this, I’m on a cruise ship somewhere between LA and Hawaii doing a 6-week emergency fill in for Princess Cruises.
My husband and I will celebrate Christmas, New Year’s and our 2nd anniversary when I get back. He has been and continues to be such an incredible blessing and joy in my life and I am so proud of him! He works hard for us, rolls with the punches, sees me warts and all, and still thinks I’m kinda cool! A Christmas miracle!
You’ll have noticed by now that I started this blog in New York, but am finishing it up in cabin 4302 aboard the Golden Princess. I picked up where I left off…don’t think I haven’t noticed the irony as I mentioned procrastination earlier. Work in progress, people.
The key words are PROGRESS and WORK. And I’ll add discipline to that as well. I’m gonna say this out loud and be accountable…this blog will happen weekly at the very least, be it a few paragraphs or something like this one. Look for me every Sunday.
As always, thank you for reading! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Onward and upward we go!