I gotta be honest here…that’s the whole point of this. I’m sitting in a Starbucks at 6th and 57th, and the plan is to write about the job I started a week and a half ago.
I’ll admit to not wanting to do this, and to feeling more exposed than is comfortable for me.
The job I started a week and a half ago ended up being more than a little shady, and I left it yesterday to pursue other employment. I began the job because I needed to actively DO SOMETHING. I needed to feel like I was contributing to the life my husband and I are building here in a tangible way, especially because auditions have slowed down and I was starting to feel a bit “less than.” I found this job on Craigslist, went in and interviewed and was trained in 2 days to go door to door in New York neighborhoods to get people to switch their energy supplier from ConEd to a different ESCO—energy service company.
Long story short, if you’re out there, and you aren’t making the kind of sales the management feels you should be making, they ask you for a retainer to be returned when you begin making sales. That was my cue to leave, and I did.
Even though I know the only choice I had was to leave that job, I am fighting the feeling that I didn’t stick it out and make it work. I will continue to move forward, and I will shake this, but that’s what I’m feeling right now.
I know this isn’t an upbeat post, but I needed to put it out there. I need to live this life fully. And I know that sometimes means battling through moments like this one.
I need to honor myself, honor my relationships, give the best of myself to all my endeavors. I know that there will be challenges along the way, and I just experienced a big one last week. I’m out of pithy sayings at the moment, but I will say this out loud and stand by it no matter what:
I. WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP.